Hagrid Hogwart’s Big Adventure

Huff, puff, huff, puff...phew, I think he stopped following me. OH HI! Great to see you, I'm sorry I didn't write for some time, but you know, getting chased by some big, gooey, ugly monsters, is, let's face it, not fun at ALL! Let me tell you all about it!
I was having a normal day, nothing special, until a soldier from the future, wearing power armor asked me where the bathroom is. I took a picture, but I couldn't uploade it. I found him when walking in an alien space ship. He was probably new, so I decided to play a trick on him. I pointed at the torture room, and told him that it's the bathroom. Sure enough, he went in, and the aliens closed the door. A while later, I heard screaming noises, but it appears it was just Michael Jackson. I wandered around, checking out the huge space ship, and I came across Michael Jordan, shooting baskets. Was he really playing again? I couldn't believe my eyes!!! That's good, because it really wasn't Michael Jordan, it was Kobe Bryant. Michael Jordan was sitting in his future chair, his laptop in his lap, and he was reading my blog. Anyway, I went walking again, and came across the captain's quarters. It was HUGE, GIGANTIC!!! The captain, of course, was a small alien, less than half the size of me. Of course, that's normal, because I'm huge. I went in, but as soon as I did that, the captain got out his Alien Blaster, and shot at me. My stomach reflected the attack, and the captain died. I got his gun, and made a run for it. Unfourtanetly, the alarm came on, and about 30 huge, gooey, monster came after me. I grabbed the biggest space suit I found, and went out of the space ship using the toilet. I almost got stuck, but luckily, I haven't eaten in 30 days. I flew back to Earth, it took me some years but it was totally worth it. The monsters, however, were still chasing me. That’s how I ended up in a haunted house, with 25 monsters chasing me. Five were killed by ghosts.
I think I learned my lesson, when you see an alien teleporter, never step on it, or you will get teleported to a weird alien space ship. Always remember this. Okay, I think I made my point, bye!

The Long Weeks

I'm in the middle of a huge deserted land, otherwise known as desert. Let me tell you why.
First of all, I started staring at Longstick 300, I don't know why. I guess he got a little upset because he tried to poke me in the bellybutton.
Something was wrong with his electrical cords in his body, I mean stick, so I didn't die, instead I got teleported.
I must have been here for about 5 weeks. Luckily, I keep an extra copy of all my stuff (including my dog and house) in my belly. I also store half of my food for accidents like this. I had more than enough food and water, so I never died.
I guess I will never stare at any broomstick, ever again. And I suggest than you don't too.

A great day today!

I had a good day today, let me tell you about it. I just got out of the hospital.
I quickly ran out of the Hopital of Overweight and roled into the mud so I can get my old, muddy skin color back.
By the way, after the prank on my dog, I decided to name him Wormskin because, well, the worms ate his skin. Anyway, I looked and Wormskin to see if he was gonna kill me, but he didn't. I went into my house and looked at my crossbow. I had a great idea; I snatched the crossbow and got out of my house.
I went into Foridden Forest and searched around fo a while. There were giant spiders, Voldemorts, but I just killed them all. I finally found what I was looking for: a Unicorn! I shot it in the head and some pink, gooey, stuff came out. I didn't really know what it was so I grabbed the Unicorn hard and put it on my back.
I decided to sell the unicorn and eat it's flesh. The flesh is tasty and brown, while the skin is very expensive. You can see why it was a good day!

Prank.

Today, I played a prank on my dog. He got really upset with me. I just got out of the Hospital of Overweight so I was really happy and full of energy. Longstick 300 didn't poke me in the bellybutton so I was extremely happy. But the prank was that I cut out a huge piece of land, put worms on the bottom (billions) and I would push the dog in into the pit while he was looking inside it. Then I close the top and leave the dog there. You can see in the picture above how he looked like after he got eaten by the worms and got the Ugliest Dog award. Anyway, I'm now back in hospital and need new skin, bye!

Hogwarts rules.

I just got promoted from Hogwarts Security Guard into a Promoted Hogwarts Security Guard!!! Isn't that awesome!!! I'm writing this in the hospital, because my back and ribs still haven't recovered yet.I can't wait to go back to guarding Hogwarts, it's so fun! And I get paid so much, lying here in the Hospital for Overweight sucks a lot. Benjamin Franklin once said something, which I think is true. Here it is.

"Time is money"

Hagrid's sad day.

Broomstick tripped me and I fell on a hard boulder. It was so strong it broke my ribs and back. Good think I'm indistructible! I just need some bone-maker potion (made by bones and m, ofcourse), and I'll be as good as new. I have to tell you, I look pretty skinny right now. The boulder on which I broke my back and ribs on is on top of this post. Pretty big huh?

Today was a sad day indeed

Today was a sad day indeed, I sat on poor old Longstick 300. It doesn't really matter because I never liked him...anyway, Longstick 300 broke and went to the Public Broomstick Hospital. He's recovering right now. I don't know if I should move to Alaska or Greenland, but it doesn't really matter. The reason I wanna move is because if he ever gets out of hospital, I'm dead.